graduated to Tumblr:
http://russiasmez.tumblr.com/
Something about this blogging thing doesn't sit well with me. Videos, photos, links, and single sentences seem to speak better of my life than I.
:)
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Monday, October 25, 2010
Happy Memories
Light classical music, Tim reading and enjoying his law books even though he'll never admit to it, and me doing my various computer duties...quiet night; good memories. :)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
real life is here...so don't forget to breathe
Long time no see, blog. Must be the weather!
Tuesday nights are good for sitting at home and drinking coffee, dreaming of Seattle and pine trees and unbridled love. I can just smell the scent of the Pacific that I've never seen from this land, feel the rock in the swing as we sit and muse, smell the hazelnut shavings we put in pumpkin pie crust.
Wonder how much will be different with marriage. Or a house of my own. What will change when the East Coast is a memory? Will it be better? That is all I see...simply better.
The times that are good do not start there - they are here. Keep the stubborn heart and the thick head as it leads you through swampy areas. Alexi Murdoch and Bon Iver will sing us to sleep and, in the morning when we wake, we still have each other.
How much better could it get
Tuesday nights are good for sitting at home and drinking coffee, dreaming of Seattle and pine trees and unbridled love. I can just smell the scent of the Pacific that I've never seen from this land, feel the rock in the swing as we sit and muse, smell the hazelnut shavings we put in pumpkin pie crust.
Wonder how much will be different with marriage. Or a house of my own. What will change when the East Coast is a memory? Will it be better? That is all I see...simply better.
The times that are good do not start there - they are here. Keep the stubborn heart and the thick head as it leads you through swampy areas. Alexi Murdoch and Bon Iver will sing us to sleep and, in the morning when we wake, we still have each other.
How much better could it get
Friday, August 06, 2010
Long Way
People who surround themselves with others, noise, energy have a problem: they are afraid to be alone. It makes sense, once again to me today, why they do so. Once you are alone you start to think about and face the things you had been running away from. Trying not to cry about. Or to not cry too much about. You want to be a joyful, happy person. One connected with life and beauty and God. But how can one accomplish that if they stop doing the charity work, stop hanging out with friends for one night, running all the time to add lines to their resume. How can you stop and enjoy the scenery, smell the grass and touch the thorns? That is indeed what makes people people. It's what makes us appreciate both the glass that's half empty and the one that's half full.
So by cleaning and listening and being silent, I realize there may be things I have been running away from. Just me, but still. I should be okay in my own skin. Or...at least okay in taking the time to chill alone and talk to God and let Him talk to me. Every day, yes. But in deep desperate content moments its also refreshing. Potentially bittersweet, depending on subject matter. But soothing nonetheless.
So by cleaning and listening and being silent, I realize there may be things I have been running away from. Just me, but still. I should be okay in my own skin. Or...at least okay in taking the time to chill alone and talk to God and let Him talk to me. Every day, yes. But in deep desperate content moments its also refreshing. Potentially bittersweet, depending on subject matter. But soothing nonetheless.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
when she gets out of this town
headlights on my legs feel different
here, marooned with crickets, dead dirt.
like teeth, the sound of tires crunches through
the velvet curtain of cicada songs.
one day i’ll make it to the highway tides
of trucks heading for distant coasts.
they drive through deserts, true. but then,
it’s a dry heat, wind in your face.
what would that be like? seated high
in a cushioned cab, gripping one’s own wheel,
far cry from this mottled swamp and
the secret sweating of my gums.
smooth sailing from there: truck stops, roadside stands
and then the great salt cities. dunes.
fresh seafood. oysters. (ah, oysters!)
made myself sick once with those things, once.
our first christmas eve together,
those soft bodies glimmered in their
prison beds, eager for the spring,
sliding down. i tasted sand, silk, freedom.
June 5, by my brother
here, marooned with crickets, dead dirt.
like teeth, the sound of tires crunches through
the velvet curtain of cicada songs.
one day i’ll make it to the highway tides
of trucks heading for distant coasts.
they drive through deserts, true. but then,
it’s a dry heat, wind in your face.
what would that be like? seated high
in a cushioned cab, gripping one’s own wheel,
far cry from this mottled swamp and
the secret sweating of my gums.
smooth sailing from there: truck stops, roadside stands
and then the great salt cities. dunes.
fresh seafood. oysters. (ah, oysters!)
made myself sick once with those things, once.
our first christmas eve together,
those soft bodies glimmered in their
prison beds, eager for the spring,
sliding down. i tasted sand, silk, freedom.
June 5, by my brother
Monday, June 14, 2010
Living Thing
People I miss the most: Mom, Dad, Bob, Jeff. Not necessarily in that order. I just pulled out some ice cream my mom got for me while she was here. It was to help a fund raiser I was advocating. Just made a smoothie with the blender Bob got me when he was here about a year ago.
Sometimes I'm afraid of how much these people care about me. I'm tempted to scream, "I'm not much! I'll disappoint you some day!" While that may be true, these are also smart people who probably know that by now.
My funk of a day started getting nothing done, as my ex roommate is not positive about signing her off the lease. Makes no sense to me, but I respect her and I'll let do her thing. So no staffing agency today since I didn't think I would have time. Lynchburg, where are your jobs? Mez, where is your motivation?
Trying to be healthier, she said as she sipped her mango cranberry smoothie. I had blueberries in my cereal this morning, she mused, twirling her glass. Even worked out a bit.
My exuberant roommate will be home soon. I want to sleep, travel, land a job. This scary mood is one that I had for a few years of my life; I'd rather not go back to who I used to be.
I hate making people feel unloved. It makes me want to cry every time I think about it. "It can't be that bad, can it?" a woman asked me as I walked back from the gym.
If going to Annapolis re-mends relationships or helps people feel loved, even if they are loved nonetheless, I will go.
This is not quite the day I thought it would be.
Sometimes I'm afraid of how much these people care about me. I'm tempted to scream, "I'm not much! I'll disappoint you some day!" While that may be true, these are also smart people who probably know that by now.
My funk of a day started getting nothing done, as my ex roommate is not positive about signing her off the lease. Makes no sense to me, but I respect her and I'll let do her thing. So no staffing agency today since I didn't think I would have time. Lynchburg, where are your jobs? Mez, where is your motivation?
Trying to be healthier, she said as she sipped her mango cranberry smoothie. I had blueberries in my cereal this morning, she mused, twirling her glass. Even worked out a bit.
My exuberant roommate will be home soon. I want to sleep, travel, land a job. This scary mood is one that I had for a few years of my life; I'd rather not go back to who I used to be.
I hate making people feel unloved. It makes me want to cry every time I think about it. "It can't be that bad, can it?" a woman asked me as I walked back from the gym.
If going to Annapolis re-mends relationships or helps people feel loved, even if they are loved nonetheless, I will go.
This is not quite the day I thought it would be.
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