those times when the only link is a stupid website. those times when your possiblities walk up to you to wait on you to finish what youre doing so they can talk to you, and you look at them...what you have is black and what you dreamed about is white. stark differences. pains and the twisting of the knife in your chest.
fire starter.
happily ever after?
what about not giving up what you have and what you know is good dont you understand?
"im the pain you tasted
well intoxicated

im a twisted
you're a twisted
im a twisted
firestarter"
what a sad song, jim atkins.

ive got a love/hate relationship with dan in real life. good movie, but what is she goign to do the next time she meets someone in a bookstore that she gets that gut feeling for? ive had that before. tegan and sara say it well when they say "i felt you in my legs before I even met you And when I layed beside you for the first time I told you I feel you in my heart, and I don't even know you"
yeah. ive had those feelings before. and sometimes i feel as if i still have those feelings. but if i keep chasing after those feelings, and sometimes end up blaming God for having those people in my life, i will never take the risk of being where you are where you know its good.
yes. im the type that runs away. im the type that sees those people and gets those gut feelings and has stupid dreams where they're shirtless and infatuated with me, but that doesnt mean im going to let go of the hope and love of the person that shows me who christ is. im not going to let go of what i have for the possiblity.
im not going to let go of black for white. no stark differences will hold my heart.

yes. i am also saying this to convince myself.

but all in all the only thing that makes any sense...is that God is the only one who i dont run from. the only one who i can give myself away to. the only one who im not afraid to love or run from or run toward or cheat on or whatever. yes, those idols. darn you white hoodies.
"the morning sun's about to break im looking in as you create sun. you lift your hand and brush your teeth and make your bed as if you won't sleep again..."
oh death cab.
sometimes i wish i were a band.